Must Love Turtles


Gentleman Caller – Westchester County

Souzapalooza has a Gentleman Caller role available. This position has been vacant for quite some time since we have not found a candidate to meet enough of the criteria This role is based in Westchester County, NY however candidates located in Rockland, Lower Fairfield, and New York City will be considered.

Primary Responsibilities –
  • Squire Souzapalooza to social functions, including but not limited to, weddings, family events, dinners, movies, and  any “plus one” situations.
  • Partake in witty banter that references pop culture events, with a concentrations in 80’s Classics, The Walking Dead, The Big Band Theory, Game of Thrones, Star Wars (original trilogy), and Judd Apatow films.
  • Act as a guinea pig for all Souzapalooza’s pintrest attempts
  • Provide comic relief when life makes Souzapalooza a little too serious.
  • Be an active listener when Souzapalooza needs to hash out her thoughts to confirm she isn’t going crazy (mom never had her tested like Sheldon Cooper)
  • Procure and deliver Wonton Soup and spicy mustard if Souzapalooza should fall ill.
  • Always tell Souzapalooza she looks great
Required Skills –
  • Reliability – someone Souzapalooza can count on when needed
  • Assertiveness. Do not be afraid to take the lead, make plans, or jump in to help out . Souzapalooza likes a guy who can think for himself, with consideration to those around him
  • Good hygiene; no need to be metrosexual, but showering, teeth brushing, hair brushing,  and wearing clean clothes are important
  • Maintaining a healthy lifestyle – no drugs, excessive alcohol or overwhelming bacon consumption. Being an active runner and/or having and using a fitness membership (be it a gym, crossfit or yoga studios) are pluses
  • Must have own set of friends to engage with and hobbies to enjoy. Souzapalooza should not be the end all be all center of your universe, nor will you be hers.
  • Good communicator; don’t just assume Souzapalooza knows what you mean, be clear.
  • Must provide own means of transportation (car, metro card, bike… Souzapalooza has a big trunk)
  • Must be willing and able to do the ‘mongo fireball dance’ with my niece, The Judge (Its a conga line set to Pitbull’s song Fireball, usually done in a kitchen)
  • Must love turtles, specifically this little face

    Cuff Turtle
    Cuff Turtle
Compensation and Benefits –
  • The companionship of a dynamic person full of spirit and adventure.
  • Thoughtful gestures bestowed upon you, including but not limited to, keeping your favorite snacks on hand, remembering important days/events, and providing support and encouragement when life gets you down.
  • Access to the wealth of useless knowledge in Souzapalooza’s brain
  • All the accolades that Souzpalooza’s friends benefit from including the opportunity to be a guest blogger!
  • Success in the role can lead to a life long partnership

If you feel that you would be a fit for this position, please submit your resume, recent photo (face and full body), and a cover letter detailing why you feel you would be a fit for this role. Be prepared for a thorough back ground check by The Other Sister and multiple round interviews with Ka-Ka, Jobin, The Flash, The Wizard, Irish Kat, SK2 and countless others from the cast of characters in Souzapalooza’s life.

Souzapalooza is an equal opportunity employer however we are looking for SINGLE MEN to fill this role; preferable in the age range of 33-45.

If you are Joe Manganiello…. you are hired!

 

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5 thoughts on “Must Love Turtles”

    1. Aww thanks Lia! You’ve gotta put what you want out in to the universe and hope it brings you something good back! I love Joe! We’ve just gotta do something about that Sofia Vergara! Xoxo

  1. Haha, Joe Mangianello is definitely hired but alas he’s taken! Love this list, think you just wrote your next Match.com profile! Hang in there Souzapallouza, remember that right now there’s the right guy that’s just waiting for the moment he gets to meet you!
    Love,
    Lady Garrett

  2. Loved today’s blog! Smart move not mentioning parental interagators (both sets ) but Fred thought you should have included that he needs to be a Yankee fan and good with tools. Love you, mommy & fred

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